The organ ripped from beneath its protective cage
When you turned to look at another
That lapse which represented solace
In another's arms for a time
While you waited on the other to feel the cadence of the heart.

Torment racked me night and day.
As I waited on the slow plodding feet of others to find who I could not.
He was one with the night, slipping from shadow to sill.
I cried helplessly in darkened corner my shame.
Or so I thought.

Stumbling, drunk on grief and remorse
My abode I reach before the pit.
That loathsome beguiling place just beyond my reach.
A place of happiness/misery where at least
I could see his darkening face.

The night past to show the dawn
I could take no comfort in its pale light
A missive lay beneath the crack in the door.
A trembling hope reached for the note
Penned with a strong firm stroke.

I imagined the pen upon paper.
Soon the hand was on mine
I grasped at the pale shadow of dreams
The chance to show my heart
The blood sang at remembrance.

I hurried toward the assigned meeting place
Late as always, doubts having slowed my pace.
I had to show my face, the truth open and plain
Etched in my sorrow, or retrieve the missing part.
To heal, or forever release the strings.

His presence was announced by the furies.
My ears rang from a symphony of
Beating soul and heart playing as one.
Another sound corrupted the first
Breaking me in half.

Pain exploded as I watched, torn forcibly
From myself as my second half dropped.
Dead to the world around us.
Dead to me, I had to watch his life pour
Forth to hard concrete ground.

They would never know what they stole
It was more than money or cigarettes
From me, those wretched henchmen of hell
Took with them all light from my sight.
All that I am bled.

As the hail of bone and meal splattered my frame
I thought unconsciously to never to tempt fate again.
To never ask for what I know I can't have.
It always ends up beneath my feet
Trod upon before it breaths.

I cursed the god which caused me this woe.
I wept, nearly collapsed next to my beloved's form.
The scene replayed again and again.
My mind as shattered as the one lying upon the walk
Sirens halted the looping tape.

Grasping the still corpse I pulled with all might
Protecting our names from the cursed dogs of war.
I would take him to safe haven
Safe from prying eyes, as I chanced upon hope
Rest for the body.

The soul would have to wait upon
Opinion of those more knowledgeable than me.
the verdict rendered my heart shorn
Once again I was called to say goodbye
My heart crushed in his mighty paws.

I would never be whole nor love ever again.
My time became mother, father, to full grown babe.
All hours spent trying to make whole
That which has been unmade.
My heart forbade me to love him as a man.

I took this newborn to hide in the wild
With nothing more than sacrifice and a smile
Nevermore could this tiny creature reside in man's habitat
He was a danger to them, me, himself.
I had not the heart to end his life.

Holy ground we dwelt, cut off from the world
Till I could take no more, or his soul returned.
Most nights a tattered teddy bear, slept in my place
I resented those who put him there.
But it was I for whom the smiles were reserved.

His smile was the lighthouse upon shore
The light in the shadows when the path became hidden.
I worshipped at his feet for one of the rare treasures.
Small baby steps the mind tread in those dark hours.
I hoped endlessly for the healing to complete.

I was warned against hoping for too much.
But the bliss I sought could not come soon enough.
I stole a wrongful kiss, to my everlasting shame
I ran from the demons whose birth I sprang forth.
The lake submerged the desire, but not the flame.

The lamb ripped asunder from my turning away
Wondered lost, far from the healing place.
Darkness crossed his path, two forms bent upon pain
They took from him what one never should
For their trespass I sent them to a new master.

Even here I could not protect my childman.
My sword held tight in the quickenings embrace, turned.
Strong, capable hands took the weapon a hair's breath from death.
there clear intelligent eyes burned aghast
The awakening had finally come with the loss of my hope.

He kissed me with a passion that left me breathless.
Without further shame I leaned into that embrace.
I was obviously forgiven my trespass earlier in the day.
His desire being mine, I reacted with all
The repressed emotion broiling inside.

My beloved was whole, restored by torch and spear.
The dance began, one lovers know well.
Nestled in loving arms beneath stars and moon.
I had no reason to search more for my heart
It lay securely bound in the palm which held my own.